I have demons in me.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
