you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
