I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
