i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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