You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
