omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
