corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
