thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
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