I just pynch a tree in the face
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Randomize
