I'm so fucking centered right now
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
