That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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