Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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