All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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