i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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