I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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