i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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