Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
