a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
