Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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