your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
smell my finger.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize