Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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