Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
