dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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