Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
