that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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