he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
