He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize