i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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