...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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