Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
how can u be prego again
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
