u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
