TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
