I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
