sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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