am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
