Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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