I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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