just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
