sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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