Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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