Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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