omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
