just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
