Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize