good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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