it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
it glows. i had to have it.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
