Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
