Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
