i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
