found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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