tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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