A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
