I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
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