this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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