Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize