Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
