Already got asked if we're dating
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
