we're chasing vodka with high fives
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Randomize
