I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize