i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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