i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
