I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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