Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
