I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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