I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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