can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
