He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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