I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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