i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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