You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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