The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
