Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
