just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
