yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
