wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
