Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
