Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
