My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
