Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
