i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize