Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
