Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
