sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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