I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
