He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
