we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
