This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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