that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
