She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
