I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
