I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
NoShamevember. You game?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
