That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
