I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
